How To Be A “Good” Wife

Welcome to another episode of Full Frontal Fatherhood. 

Today I’d like to speak to the mothers. In order to have the kind of families that I’ve been describing it obviously requires that us as men step up and be engaged. But we need you mothers, we need your support. It’s really scary thing that we’re doing and if we’re being constantly told how to do it differently or that we’re doing it wrong, we end up feeling pretty klutzy at it.

How to be an Empowering Wife:

1. You as mothers are fortunately programmed to take care of your child. If you see your partner throwing your kid in the air in a way that it looks distressing or if your child is crying and the husband is not holding it quite right you’re going to have a physical reaction to go and take care of that child. That’s a good thing. Unfortunately, that instinctual reaction can lead to your partner feeling disempowered and him not being able to find his own way to that place of feeling like a capable parent.

2. So when you see that happening the task for you is to sit in that feeling. Just sit back, maybe close your eyes, feel the intensity and the sensations in your body, the impulses that are saying, “Go. Say Something. Do something.” Use the analytic part of your of brain to asses is there anything actually bad happening. No, you probably wouldn’t throw the kid around like he is, but it’s probably safe. Then sit back, be in that feeling.

3. As a colleague of mine, a mother recently said to me, “Even if I’m right it’s more important that my husband have a position of power in the family than that he be wrong and I be right.” So please sit in your feeling, learn how to support us. Also realize that you don’t have to do it all, which obviously can be a great relief.

4. When women stepped in the workforce 50-60 years ago a lot of men were critical, managing, nagging, and undercutting of the women. That made it a lot harder for you to step into the workplace. Fortunately there were men that learned how to be supportive and saw how beneficial it is to have women in the workplace. Now we need that of you. Please support us to be the amazing fathers that we can be. See us in that way. Know that that’s possible.

Thank you for joining me for another episode of Full Frontal Fatherhood. I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this topic. Please join us in the conversation below, but let’s keep it friendly. We’re all doing our best and this is really hard stuff. If you like to see more videos you can head over to FullFrontalFatherhood.com and if you like the video please share it with your friends.

Thank you and take care.
-Julian